Draco's Famous Pick Up Lines
by Erin Ashley Chang
Summary: read the title. In which Draco Malfoy attempts to woo Jade Potter. totally has nothing to do w/ my other stories. DM/OC


"I have a new plan to get Jade this year," said one Draco Malfoy.

"Oh. . .really, and what makes you think it'll work," asked a Blaise Zabini.

"This," said Draco pulling out a book _Pick up line's to get Your Witch._

"And. . .you think that's gonna work,"

"Are you doubting the book," Draco says in horror.

"Okay this is gonna be amusing," Blaise chuckles.

"Hello my lovely Miss Potter," said Draco putting an arm around the young witch.

"Hello my um ugly Missus um was it, argh never mind I forgot your husband's name," said Jade Potter.

"Hmm, so is the answer still no." asked Draco.

"To what, you've asked me a lot of questions," asked Jade.

* * *

"Hey Jade,"

"Hey, Wazzup Malfoy, gotta go,"

"No, stay I need to ask you something" _puts hand on her shoulder._

_Mutters, _"don't you always."

"Uh, what."

"Never mind you were going to ask me a question."

"Right, so Jade if I were to look in the Mirror if Erised I would see you and me together."

"Really. . .well if I were to look in the Mirror of Erised I would see me and Justin Bieber together."

"Who's Justin Bieber. . . a Hufflepuff. . . I'm gonna kill him!" _storms of in search of Justin Bieber._

"I knew it!" _shouts happily._

"Knew what exactly?'

"You like blondes."

"I do not!"

"Yes you do, Granger showed me a picture of Justin."

"Oh."

"Why don't you go out with me, I'm a sexier blonde and," _pause, _"And a couple of nights with me and Moaning Myrtle will have to get a new nickname" _raises eyebrows suggestively._

Draco races to Jade and hugs her fake weeping.

"Malfoy what the—"

"Being with out you is like being placed under the Cruciatus Curse."

"Aw, poor Draco should I Avada Kedavra you to end your suffering."

"If you were a basilisk I wouldn't mind dieing if the last thing I saw would be your eyes." _Gazes at her eyes dreamily._

"If I was a basilisk I wouldn't mind killing you with my eyes."

"How about. . .if you were a dementor I wouldn't mind turning into a criminal just to get your kiss."

"You want me to destroy your soul?"

"I'm a goblin let me stroke your vault."

"Its not Halloween yet Malfoy, and you're to tall—"

"And pretty?"

"No and ugly."

"So Jade wanna no why the girls call me Aguamenti."

"No they don't and no I don't want to know."

_Ignores her, _"Every time they hear my name they get wet."

_In shock, _"Are you sure its not because you wore diapers until you came to Hogwarts."

_Murderously, _"Who started that rumor. . .was it you. . .or was it YOU."

"It wasn't me Draco,"

"I must have had some Felix Felicis because I think I'm about to get lucky."

"Yeah. . ."

"Really!"

"Yes if you want to get lucky with pugface."

"You must be in my Charms class."

"Draco. I am in your Charms class."

_Ignores her, _"Because you're absolutely charming."

". . ."

"You know Jade, I loved Divination."

"You didn't even take Divination."

"Yeah. . .well. . .if I did I would love it."

"Why."

"Because Trelawney said that my future involves you, me, and a bed."

"Oh really, I actually took Divination and a recent tea leave reading told me that my future involved you, me, and you losing your jewels."

"Will you be my horcrux tonight, so l can give a piece of my soul to you?"

"No."

_whines, _"WHY!"

"Hello, are you taking applications for boyfriends."

"Sorry you missed the deadline."

"WHAT! NO!"

"I'm stuck between Ernie from Hufflepuff and Anthony from Ravenclaw. What do you think."

"Neither. . .pick me."

_Grabs Jades hands and rubs them with his, _"Your hands are really soft."

"Oh really. . .well thanks."

"Would you like to massage my really soft body."

". . ." "I knew it!"

"What?"

"Your all fat and no muscles,"

"I am not fat!"

"If I followed you home would you keep me?"

"You're not allowed in the Gryffindor Tower and yeah to feed you to Jaspers hippogriff."

"Did you just say Wingardium Leviosa? 'Cause you've got me rising, baby."

"Wingardium Leviosa."

"Oh shit! Jade put me back on the ground! NOW! PLEASE! Where are you taking me? Not the wall! Not the. . . ahh WALL! MY beautiful hair!

_*Sniggers*_

"Can I be your house elf? I'll do anything you want and I don't need clothes" _proceeds to take off his clothes._

"BLOODY HELL! No Draco! I have enough house elves."

"You're exactly like a vial of Skele-Gro; you're growing me a bone."

"You're exactly like a vial of Skele-Gro you're vile and ugly."

"I bet you're a great quidditch player."

"You've never seen me on a broom."

"Yeah. . .Well wanna ride my broom?" raises eyebrows suggestively.

"Nah, I have a million offers from other boys if I ever start flying again."

"I need a penieve."

"Why would you need one."

"Because my head is filled with thoughts about you."

"I've been whomping my wiilow thinking about you."

"Tell you're willow to stop whomping or it'll die."

"Did you just perform the Petrificus Totalus spell."

'No."

You're supposed to ask WHY!"

"I don't. . .want to."

_Grabs Jade and trials kisses down her neck, _" say why."

"WHY? And let go of ME!"

"You make me go stiff."

"Ha. Ha. Ha."

"They say I'm like the horn of a crumple-horned snorkack. Explosive."

"How do you even know what that is."

"I heard Loony talk about it."

"You know Hagrid is not the only giant on campus," _winks, _"If you know what I mean."

"Draco, Hagrid's half-giant."

"Why don't I be Salazer and Slyther inside of you."

"No its okay, I don't need you inside of me."

"Wanna make some magic together?"

"No."

"Well if you every change your mind my wand is at ready. "_Slaps Jade's bum and runs away from Jade screaming in fright._

"I don't know anything about Merlin's pants but I'd love to get in yours."

"Do not even think of comparing me to Merlin. "

"Not even Veritaserum could make me express how much I'm truly attracted to you."

"Aw that was actually sweet."

"So you, me, Hogmeade next weekend."

"Not sweet enough though."

"Roses are red, violets are blue, what's it gonna take to make me go out with you."

"Better pick up lines."

"My sexy, loving darling Potter,

Every minute I'm with you, you get hotter,

You make me laugh oh you're so funny,

Would you pretty please be my honey,

Your carefree beauty makes me drool,

Your lovely blue eyes sparkle like two jewels,

Every day I stare at you during tea,

I love you, so will you go out with me?"

"Did you make the poem all by yourself?"

"Yes."

"That was—"

"Sweet, thoughtful, _Convincing_"

"Ridiculous and hilarious actually."

"Will you say yes now to end my suffering."

"After all your effort it's tempting. But no."

"But Why?"

"Accio Draco. . .oh hey Draco!"

"Hi Jade, how did I get here?"

"Well you know. . .when I said accio hottie I didn't expect it to work."

_Blinks rapidly, _"did you just use a pickup line on me."

"No, apparently you are a hottie."

_Stares at her chest, _"What are you talking about it didn't work when I said it."

"Okay fine I used the pickup line. . .stop staring at my chest."

"Uh, does this mean you'll go out with me?"

"Yes, know are you gonna ask me out properly or do I have to use all your pathetic pickup lines."

"Will you go out with me?"

"Yes!"

_Blinks_, "Yes alright I'll meet you in front of the fat lady. Kay."

"Yeah, alright." _Lips pull up to a dazzling smile._

"Well. . .GREAT! Bye Jade."

"Draco you're forgetting something."

"Really. . .I—" _Jade pulls him close for a deep passionate kiss._

"Well bye Draco." _Waves walking away._

Draco stares after her feeling his lips with his hand that were still tingling from the kiss.

**_*T*H*E**E*N*D*_**

**Draco: I hate this I am not romantic.**

**Jade: fine be that way I hate you too. I knew I should have stuck with Cedric.**

**Draco: no not badger boy!**


End file.
